2012 BMW ActiveHybrid 7: Responsibility, Thy Chariot Awaits

If you’re anything like me, you probably don’t spend much time at home.  Between a loving girlfriend, my less-loving buddies, the rigors of self-employment and numerous recreational activities, my own humble abode is a rare sight typically only enjoyed during those rare moments when work actually requires time be spent stagnating in front of a computer. Like now.

So perhaps it’s fitting then that I’ve found myself drawn to vehicles that vastly outstrip my total investment in real estate. Enter the BMW ActiveHybrid7. Costing nearly as much as a starter apartment, the massive sedan is vastly more beneficial to your image than some paltry few hundred square feet above the local bar. Looking about as stately as they come, especially when dressed in its finest white hue (or lack thereof, I suppose), it’s equal parts imposing and inviting; imposing by virtue of its not insubstantial girth and inviting thanks to its rounded, unaggressive countenance. Still carrying over the last vestiges of the Bangle era of Bimmer design, it bears no significant modifications from the standard 750i, but expresses its environmental responsibility via a pair of somewhat awkward looking badges adorning the C-pillars. Of course, on the trunk resides a final reminder that what you’re standing behind is only slightly less hazardous to your health than a standard model.

Inside, there’s absolutely nothing to distinguish it from the cheaper (a relative term) variants of the 7-series… but that’s not a bad thing. There can be absolutely no question about it; in each of the available iterations, the 7-series BMW interior is one of the best places one can find to watch the world pass by on the other side of two layers of laminated, sound-proofed glass. Beyond being eminently comfortable and stupendously isolated from the elements, it’s also incredibly well equipped for getting down to the business of driving. Fitted with enough technology to launch an intercontinental ballistic missile salvo, it’s like stepping into the pages of Popular Mechanics circa 1950; back when they had enough creativity and optimism to claim that such realities as “Cars with Night Vision!” and “Reactive Suspension!” would come to pass. Between the new i-Drive system (it’s almost perfect now), the awesome infra-red camera system, and a wonderfully flexible adaptable drive select system, it simply goes about the business of moving down the road in perfect serenity.

And perhaps serenity is indeed the perfect word. For someone like myself, who typically spends hours on the freeway each day, a car like this is nothing short of a godsend. Providing cocoon-like comfort and effortless mobility, it consumes kilometers at the same rate as a campaigning politician produces promises, but with greater ease. Although the standard twin-turbocharged V8 certainly isn’t lacking, the addition of the electric motor adds 20 horsepower and a surprising 155 pound-feet of torque to the powertrain’s output. Seamlessly integrated while underway, the car responds to inputs exactly as you would expect any other BMW to; damn near perfectly. The brakes are especially deserving of mention, as they manage to buck the regenerative braking trend by maintaining a high degree of brake feel and astounding performance. Of course, that could be a result of the downright massive size of the discs that have the single largest swept area of any disc brake I’ve ever seen… by a HUGE margin. Capable of bringing the big sedan to a standstill in less distance than cars nearly half its size, they give the sporting driver a lot of confidence.

But it’s not quite perfect. Although those airliner-sized discs may be capable of coping with its girth, the suspension struggles slightly more. Even in sport mode, body roll is typically delayed at best, and the task assigned to the front tires seems nearly insurmountable as they claw and scramble for traction from beneath what must be a seriously impressive amount of weight placed upon them. Furthermore, the hybrid system’s activation isn’t exactly perfect. Turning the engine off at stop lights, it works great… unless you need to accelerate rapidly thereafter. Transition too quickly from the brake to the gas pedal, and you can end up getting pressure on the gas before the engine has time to fire up, causing the car to lurch off the line or ignite the rear tires.

However, two insubstantial flies in the ointment cannot dull the sheen of such an automobile. All in all, it’s absolutely, stunningly, blissfully fantastic… everything you expect in such a vehicle, and then some. Sure, such technologies such as night vision and driver select systems have been charged with reducing the driver’s engagement, but in a luxury saloon with a stretched wheelbase, that’s precisely what someone like myself is looking for. It's not often one gets to enjoy a zen-like state while on the road, but this is certainly one car that makes it possible. Heck, it's damn near impossible to get this relaxed at home, with televisions, computers, and a garage's worth of projects to work on. In fact, if you'll excuse me, I think I have some errands to run, and they might just take all day.