2011 Audi S4: Superlative Speed

Automotive journalists are full of crap. For the most part, anyway. Spend enough time around a group of us, and you’ll rapidly realize that the vast majority of our conversations have more in common with excerpts from some bizarre automotive-themed Sweet Valley High that they do a group of professionals. And then there are the reviews. Oh, the reviews.

You see, we live in a quaint fantasy world that only vaguely resembles actual car ownership. Oh sure, some of us do in fact own vehicles (or, in my own case, more than a few extremely temperamental vehicles), but when cars are an integral and formative part of your life, you rapidly find the weekly car swaps end up bracketing your life in seven day stints. Spend a week aboard Ford’s latest Superduty, and its country music, my old army boots, and a back seat filled with shotguns and clay pigeons all the way… right up until Monday, when I may find myself within the confines of a Porsche. Then its seven days of blazers, leather driving loafers, and Mozart; hold the firearms. Although it may be a complete bastardization of a great adage, as they say, where you stand depends on where you sit.

So, by virtue of this somewhat nomadic lifestyle, you typically find journalists’ appreciations occupying the visible ends of the automotive spectrum. The best cars are always the superlatives; the fastest, biggest, most luxurious, most expensive. And that leaves little room for vehicles like this: the 2011 Audi S4.

Now, I feel like I should qualify any and all of the statements I’m about to tap out on this keyboard with the following: I love this car. In a Savage Garden, truly, madly, deeply kind of way, and I really didn’t see that coming. Like many, I lamented the loss of the former S4’s lusty, beautifully aural V8 powerplant and saw the implementation of the turbocharged V6 as a sort of homogenization of what was possibly Audi’s last unique sedan. And who can blame me? After all, we’ve all seen the turbocharged, six-cylinder German sports sedan before… the only difference is that it had a roundel on the hood.

And don’t let anyone fool you; the change from a V8 to a turbocharged V6 is definitely an important one for the S4. But it’s not the most important. Au contraire, the change in powertrain layouts is really just the most easily communicated indication of the overall paradigm shift that Audi’s engineers and designers have taken on with this new car. It’s not the same fire-breathing, gas-guzzling beast that just begged to visit and revisit it’s redline within the confines of every tunnel and city street. Instead, the new engine rewards a smoother, more progressive driving style that, if I’m honest, can only be truly appreciated on the Autobahn or a deserted, patrol-free highway somewhere far, far from civilization. Producing 336 horsepower and 325 foot-pounds of torque, it’s effortlessly smooth and turbine-like in its power production. Although maximum acceleration still requires maximum revs, it feels like you have access to 90% of that power without even requiring a downshift; just squeeze the gas pedal, let the boost build, and enjoy a smidgeon of the satisfaction that Gulfstream owners must get on takeoff, knowing they’re slipping free of Earthly hassles with each passing foot of ground covered. Of course, I should probably mention that the vehicle I tested came equipped with the excellent S-tronic paddle-shifted gearbox; assuredly the best way to exact the most effortless performance from this vehicle.

But, as I mentioned, there’s a lot more to this car than just that engine. In fact, in my humbly delivered opinion, it’s actually the new Audi Drive Select system makes this vehicle so excellent. Allowing the driver to choose from Comfort, Auto, and Dynamic drive modes, the system tailors the engine, transmission, and suspension to the driver’s mood. There’s also an Individual setting that allows the driver to custom-select the various aspect of the effected systems, although I never had occasion to use it. Making quite a dramatic difference in the car’s overall attitude, it absolutely transforms the car in a way I don’t recall ever witnessing before. Select Comfort, and the ride is supple and forgiving, and the transmission maintains a taller gear to keep engine speed at a minimum. The car’s perfectly insulated cabin brings even the howling roar of a Kenworth to a barely perceptible murmur, and the combination of perfectly bolstered seats, one of the best stereos I’ve ever heard, and a stupendous steering wheel combine to make it an extremely comfortable place to pass the time.

But to ignore the S4’s sporting pedigree would be to do it a great disservice. Covering ground with stupefying speed, the S4’s reflexes are all sharpened by the application of the Dynamic drive mode, but it never nears the hard-edged nature of BMW’s M3. Thus, its serene composure remains completely and totally unruffled by pretty much anything that you can throw at it. Blasting up and down the local back roads, it’s like watching Star Trek’s old warp speed animation reenacted before your very eyes; objects once-distant grow rapidly larger before becoming a blur through your peripheral vision… and yet there’s barely any aural or physical indication that you’re actually accelerating. In fact, the only real perceptible change is that you eventually arrive at your destination substantially sooner than you would have in a lesser vehicle.

But the reality is, this may, like so many other exceptional automobiles, slide beneath the radar as one of the most underrated and underrepresented cars amongst automotive journalists. For, unlike the Porsches and Lotus’ of the world, it doesn’t demand bodily contortions upon entry, nor does it require earplugs to keep the noise at bay. It doesn’t bash your kidneys into a soupy mess in the most memorable of fashions like so many stiffly sprung sports cars, but it also won’t parallel park itself with nigh vision while massaging your buttocks. But there is ample room for plenty of human companions and their associated stuff, and the confidence inspiring Quattro system ensures that it will more that meet the demands of whatever hobbies you might pursue, be it snowbound or otherwise. And yet, it still manages to be supremely fast. In a straight line, around a bend, or over an icy mountain, it simply goes. The picture of efficiency, it never feels as if it’s flexing a muscle, and yet the ground ahead is consumed at a rate that continually surprises; an effect that will assuredly cost some owners their fair share of driver penalty points and ticket premiums. But sadly, that’s not necessarily enough for those that have their automotive requirements amply met 52 different ways per annum. For you see, when all that separates the extremely impractical two-seat sports car in the driveway from the utilitarian sedan you may need is a mere few days, it’s easy to ignore all but the most extreme of automobiles, which is ironic… after all, it was in avoiding the extremes that Audi has managed to build something that is extremely good.